Hollow. So spiritually empty inside that I was hollow. I couldn‘t drink enough, sex enough, gamble enough, or degrade myself enough to fill the void. So hollow it ached. Over the two decades that I drank it progressed from a vague unrest to an inner void so pronounced that I was an existential vacuum sucking…
DetailsDrunks who want to upgrade to recovered alcoholics tend to take a hard look at their resentments. This is a process that can benefit not only addicts, but anyone with a desire to free themselves of resentments as well. A written moral inventory is the fourth step in Twelve-Step recovery and is the first step…
DetailsHang around the rooms of Twelve Step recovery long enough and you’ll hear someone drop the little gem: “Fake it ’till you make it.” For years I have been indifferent towards this little rhyme, but having given it a little thought I believe the next time I hear it I will smack the person who…
DetailsWhile still an active alcoholic, while still whoring it up on a regular basis, my hypocrisy knew no bounds. Six and a half days a week I was a degenerate, but for an hour on the Sabbath I rested from my degrading ways and taught a Sunday school class for sixteen year olds. Most of…
DetailsIt starts with a Divine spark within. For me it was the smallest of embers after years of drinking alcoholically and living a selfish, self-centered life devoid of helping others. Note that I did not say a life devoid of loving thoughts. I had loving thoughts; I just failed to put them into action. Thoughts…
DetailsIt was a Wednesday. It followed a weekend binge that didn‘t stop Sunday night, Monday morning or Tuesday afternoon. I kept calling in sick to work. I couldn’t stop. It would prove to be my last spree. It was a long time in the making. I went to my first Twelve Step meeting when I…
DetailsLost in the mad rush of modern society is the concept of the Sabbath … a day of rest and rejuvenation. I needed rest and rejuvenation. I cared little of the debate whether the Sabbath falls on a Saturday or Sunday. I cared little of Biblical injunctions on what I could or couldn’t do on…
DetailsSeveral years ago, after being tipped off to the practice by a friend, I started wearing a rubber band around my right wrist. Thanks to the advent of the cell phone, I rarely wear a wristwatch so there is some empty fleshy real estate. But the rubber band is not a fashion accessory; rather, it…
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